Paris Hilton collects Harvard award

Paris Hilton is heading to Harvard University, but not to study.
The 26-year-old actress-socialite has been given the Hastiest Pudding of the Lampoon title, by the university's comedy magazine.
She will visit Harvard on February 6 to accept her award, said Regent Releasing, the company that is distributing her new comedy, The Hottie & the Nottie.
Hilton, whose body of work includes House of Wax and TV's The Simple Life, stars as the attractive best friend to an ugly duckling in the new comedy, tipped for US release on February 8.
She also co-stars in the upcoming horror musical Repo! The Genetic Opera! which she began filming in Canada after serving a 23-day jail sentence in Los Angeles last June for violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

Paris Hilton covered in excrement

Police in France are investigating an act of vandalism on the 5 star Hilton Hotel, located in the center of Paris. Animal rights protesters, in the mistaken believe that the hotel was hosting a fashion show, involving fur coats, dumped manure in the foyer of the hotel. Manager Jean Luc Bastardi explains "I got a call from my assistant Jean Paul Wankerdi late last night informing me that excrement had been dumped in the reception area. I said 'What, a load of crap?' and he said 'no, it is true'. Anyway it turns out they had the wrong hotel - they should have dumped it at the Hyatt - next door."In an unconnected story, socialite, model, dancer, actress, heiress, belly dancer, former milk monitor and junkie, Paris Hilton was attacked by a fan yesterday. As she was leaving the gymn an admirer threw a dog turd at her - which hit her right in the middle of her face. "Does mean that people think I am shit?" cried the star.A spokesman for all of us said "Yes, I am afraid it does."

Paris Hilton Offers Free Moustache Rides!

Paris, France - "Free Moustache Rides" - A large banner proclaims a special treat for all visitors at this Paris hotspot.In an effort to boost sagging popularity, a Paris Hilton publicist announced an offer of 'free moustache rides' to anyone visiting. The aging Paris Hilton has fallen out of favor due to the popularity of other Paris mainstays such as, Disney World, Cheese World, and Ripe Armpit World.Hilton stalwarts have promised the moustache rides to be a fun experience with plenty of thrills, and as always when visiting Paris....A free vaccination for genital herpes!Billed as the Paris Hilton Ultimate Sushi Experience, the ride will take about 15 minutes and will be manned by special attendants from Sea World.

Sex with Paris Hilton is Better the More You Pay for it

LAwhore - Research has shown that the richer a girl is or the more you spend on a hooker the more pleasure you are likely to experience when having sex. In a study conducted by the Punjabi Institute of Technology (Puntech), researchers observed brain activity in the medial orbitofrontal cortex, an area of the brain that's responsible for perceptions of pleasure of 21 vounteers. They were charged various amounts of money between 1 rupee and 1000 rupees to be allowed to masturbate whilst watching the new Paris Hilton Sex Tape that is available exclusively on Sony's Blu Ray format. The results indicate that the more you spend on Paris Hilton the more pleasure you gain from the screwing her."When we charged our volunteers only a single rupee many of them were unable to gain an erection and complained of the grainy quality of the film, none of the volunteers was able to reach orgasm, in contrast the more we charged not only did our volunteers believe the experience to be more stimulating they also rated both the content and quality of the tape as being better, when we charged 1000 rupees our volunteers achieved multiple orgasms and there was a lot of mess to clear up, because of that we turned down an offer of 1 lak" said researcher Baba Sanjay Siva.When Paris was told of the results she apparently exclaimed "So thats how that Eurotrash Victoria Beckham gets that soccer player to sleep with her, she charges him lots of money" The research can also goes some way to explain Paris Hilton's voyeuristic tendencies. Showing her vagina and performing in sex videos went a long way towards the girl losing her inheritance, you could say she spent $100 million just to show us her pussy.

Paris Hilton Goes Off In A Slurred, Curse-Filled Rant At LA Night Club

We take a short break from our Paris Hilton ban to bring you this little gem. In case there was any doubt as to why Paris Hilton was cut off from the majority of Barron Hilton's $2.3 billion fortune, let us put your minds at ease. After copping out of a Rwanda charity gig in October, Paris is not exactly out cuddling orphans here in the U.S., either. Nope, she's out and about, and spent Sunday night cussing up a slurred storm at LAX nightclub in Los Angeles.(The uncensored version is after the jump.)Her new saying - after coining the term "that's hot" a couple of years ago - is now "suck it, fuck it, lick it, eat it, snort it, shit it, cum on it!"I remember talk show host Ellen Degeneres asking Paris Hilton what the new saying was, quipping that whatever Paris' new slogan is, Ellen wants to start using it. But I doubt Ellen is going to be saying that on her show anytime soon!In a garbled rant, Paris got on the mike at LAX Sunday night, and said, "By the way, uh, it's Sunday fucking night...D.J. AM is here, the shit...he fucking rocks...LAX is the best fucking place to go, Sunday night is my music night. Everyone in here is rocking their fucking balls off."I love it. Suck it, fuck it, lick it, eat it, snort it, shit it, cum on it!"So let's all party our nuts off, because this is the best crowd...fuck the Hollywood crowd...I love you, and there's so many hot girls and boys here, that I want to fuck you all. I love you guys."What a classy heiress ex-heiress.

Paris Hilton frolics in the sun with an Ashton Kutcher lookalike

Paris Hilton frolicked in the sun with an Ashton Kutcher lookalike for a fashion shoot in LA on Monday.
Paris, 26 was spotted getting close with the handsome model on a boat in the wealthy Marina Del Rey area.
The shoot, (for sports label Fila) got heated when Paris and the model shared a kiss for the cameras in a semi-nude clinch.
The star wore many outfits, including a revealing bikini.
During the shoot, the socialite was heard listening and singing along to Britney Spears’ Greatest Hits CD.
An onlooker said: “She was singing along to all of Britney’s songs like ‘Toxic’ and ‘Oops I Did It Again. She knew all the words. She even shouted out ‘I love Britney’ at one point to the photographer. She looked like she was enjoying herself.”
Hilton has been an advocate of Fila sportswear and renewed her contract to represent the South Korean brand in November 2006.The value of her contract has been estimated to be worth $1 million.
Hilton has a reputation of dating models.
The Simple Life star was recently linked with former pizza delivery boy Alex Vaggo.
Paris was also engaged to fashion model Jason Shaw from mid-2002 to early 2003.

Paris Hilton for FILA ... No More FILA For Me!

FILA is a giant in sportswear ... they have cool designs and practical items ... but why have they chosen Paris Hilton to endorse their stuff? She's been their ambassador for the past year ... No one left but her to take that job?Paris Hilton is a turn off for many FILA lovers ... like me!Yesterday, Paris and a hunky dude shot ads for FILA aboard a yacht down in Marina Del Rey in California ... I like the dude ... but Paris? NO!I hate it when she pouts her lips ... so fake!She thinks she's sexy ... but she's totally not!